Helping you get ready to talk to your children about your cancer diagnosis

1. Prepare

Read/watch/listen to some of the stuff below. Write down in 3 bullet points what you want to say.

2. Practice

Rehearse what you are going to tell them in a mirror, to a partner, or friend, until you feel in control.

3. Props

Have some books, websites, apps, or toys with you. They help with understanding and making you feel grounded.

videos

We have some handy guides you can read or print out

We love these props

Simple, easy to digest and non frightening way of introducing cancer to children

A great way to bring cancer into normal family conversations whilst playing

Kids love these. There are all different types of body cells + organs

More helpful resources

tips on starting those first conversations

When you are ready to tell your children about your cancer diagnosis, try not to think of it as ‘THE BIG CHAT’ as this can make it feel more scary, with lots of pressure on you to get it ‘right’. Think of a jigsaw puzzle. You only need to lay down a few pieces at the beginning, add more pieces when needed over the next few weeks, and months.

Be child-led

Some kids want all the information and some don’t want any or need time.

questions

Start a notebook together writing down all their questions you need to find answers to.

Reassurance

Reassure them they did nothing to cause the cancer and they will be updated.

what do children understand about cancer?

3 -5 yr olds

  • Have a basic level of understanding about illness, like colds, chicken pox

  • Often believe they have caused the cancer and that it is contagious

6-11 yr olds

  • Begin to understand that parents can have serious illnesses

  • Can understand more about the body, and cells being the body’s building blocks

  • From 10+ begin to understand that cancer is when the cells become damaged

  • Can feel responsible for causing their parent’s cancer

Teens

  • Similar understanding as adults as cancer is covered at school

  • They need the truth that is not sugar-coated

  • Often believe that stress they have caused their parent may have caused their parent’s cancer